


been so lost since you've gone (can't you hear my screams)

by OsleyaKomWonkru



Series: The Untold Story of Wonkru [11]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Dream Lincoln, Dreams, Episode: s05e11 The Dark Year, F/M, Lincoln Gives Hope, Octavia Needs It, Sacrifice, Trigedasleng, mentions of cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 18:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16792330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsleyaKomWonkru/pseuds/OsleyaKomWonkru
Summary: After Wonkru starts eating their dead, Lincoln comes to Octavia in a dream to give her hope.“Life demands sacrifices. Like I sacrificed myself for the other Grounders that Pike was holding. Some of your people will sacrifice themselves for their cause, and you’ll have to be the executioner, sacrificing that part of your soul. But don’t let it consume you. Don’t let the darkness win. There is a life for you on the other side of it.” Lincoln cupped Octavia’s cheek. “Promise me that you’ll fight your way through it. Promise me you won’t give up.”“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim?”Lincoln smiled. “Exactly. Take the strength that I know is within you. Do what you need to do to make sure you and as many of your people survive as you can. And you will see the sun again. Your people will find peace. And so will you. I promise. Yu na ste yuj kos yu gonplei nou ste odon kom nau. Winnes set raun bakon kom givnes.”“What will I need to sacrifice?”Lincoln’s smile turned sad. “Everything.”





	been so lost since you've gone (can't you hear my screams)

**Author's Note:**

> As Octavia would say: We're back, bitches!
> 
> Sorry about my long absence, I decided it would be a good idea to spend two months walking across France and Spain :D But now during NaNoWriMo I've written lots of stories for this 'verse, so I hope that'll make up for it.
> 
> This fic was specifically inspired by Octavia and Lincoln's conversation in 2x09 "Remember Me", where Octavia tells Lincoln that he can talk to her about the time he spent as a Reaper, but Lincoln responds "I can't."
> 
> Trigedasleng:
> 
>  _Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim - Get knocked down, get back up_  
>  Yu na ste yuj kos yu gonplei nou ste odon kom nau - You will be strong for your fight is not yet over  
> Winnes set raun bakon kom givnes - Victory stands on the back of sacrifice  
> Feva ona yu tombom - Forever in your heart  
> Ste yuj, ai niron - Stay strong, my love  
> Kom taim oso na hit choda op nodotaim - Until we meet again  
> 

He hadn’t come to her in her dreams in a long time. At first, when the dreams had stopped, it had been during her tryst with Niylah in the early days of the bunker. She thought it was a sign that she was starting to move on, to move past the pain that his death had caused her.

Then Niylah had left, and the dreams had returned. But as life in the bunker settled into a (sometimes bloody) routine, they’d gone again. Though she continued to feel a deep sense of loneliness, he hadn’t come back to her dreams.

She missed him intensely.

Thus, it was a surprise - no, a shock - when, after a long struggle with herself, Octavia fell asleep that night, the night they’d first consumed their dead, and woke up in a dream where he was sitting at the end of her bed.

“Lincoln.” She whispered tearfully.

He didn’t say anything, but the haunted look he wore was one that she remembered well, one that would also haunt her forever.

“Can you talk to me about it now?” She pleaded.

He nodded, crawling up the bed so that he was resting next to her, brushing her hair away from her tear-stained face.

“You were drugged. You weren’t yourself when you committed those acts. Me, I - we’ve walked into this with full awareness and consciousness of what we’re doing.” Octavia broke down in tears. “And tomorrow - tomorrow I have to convince the dissenters to eat. By any means necessary. Otherwise - otherwise we’ll all be dead. The last of the human race, who were put here under my protection - and we might all die anyway. I’ve done everything I could think of, everything, to save my people - and this is what it comes down to.”

“Shhhhh.” Lincoln finally spoke, kissing Octavia’s forehead. “It’s okay. You need to survive. You need to live. You’re not doing this because you want to, or because something took over your mind and made you crave it. You’re doing this because it is your responsibility to the human race to live, to return to the ground, to make the Earth whole again.”

“I wanted to be sick today. And we have to survive like this for a year? Never mind my people not being able to do it, I don’t know if _I_ can.”

“You can. You’re strong. You’re a survivor. You’ll do what you have to do to make sure you and your people survive.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Octavia whispered, clutching the front of Lincoln’s shirt. “Lincoln, the things I’ve done since you died, I - I used to have hope. Hope for the world. That we could be good. That we could do better. That hope died with you.”

“It didn’t. I know it didn’t. It is that hope that inspired you to fight for all the clans in the Final Conclave. What inspired you to save as many people as possible in this bunker.”

“But that wasn’t good enough, was it? People are still dying. People have to die, so that others can live. I can’t bear this, Lincoln, I can’t.”

“You have to.” Lincoln whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. “You have to bear it. You have to live. For us. For me.”

“How am I supposed to live with what I’ll have to do tomorrow? I’ve killed before. And I’ve sentenced people to death for things I’d barely even consider crimes. But - but killing people in cold blood just because they don’t want to eat their dead? How can you be okay with that? How am I supposed to be okay with that?”

“You’re not. But the dead are gone. The living are hungry.”

“I’ve always hated that line.”

“But it’s the truth. You must live. Your people must live. And if they don’t want to do what they need to to do that - they’ve already decided that their fight is over.”

“So it’s okay for me to make that final decision for them?”

“If you’ve given them every chance and every opportunity to choose differently, it is your obligation as a leader.”

“I never wanted this, Lincoln. I never wanted any of this. I’m not a leader.”

“You’re right. You’re a fighter. But you’ve been called to lead regardless of whether you’re a leader or not. But that means it will be harder for you. You don’t want to make decisions like this. They weigh on you. They hurt you. They will also haunt you.”

“Gee, thanks. That makes me happier.”

“This isn’t about being happier. This is about making sure your people survive. And you’re the only one who can do that. You’re the only one who can keep them strong and united.”

“Is there even a future worth fighting for? Or will it be like this forever?”

“It won’t. The storm will pass and you’ll see the sun again.”

“The real sun?”

“More suns than you could ever imagine. You have a future, Octavia. A bright one. You just need to get there.”

“I don’t know if I can believe that.”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“No.”

“Then believe me when I tell you that this darkness will pass. You will carry the scars and memories of it. But it won’t last forever. On the other side, there will be happiness. There will be peace. You will have peace and happiness.”

“I feel so alone.”

“You won’t be alone. And you’re not alone now. You have people to reach out to, people who care about you. Don’t hide from them.”

“I - I can’t burden them with the burdens that I’m going to be left to bear.”

“They have their own burdens. They will understand some of what you carry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Lincoln shifted them so that he was holding Octavia in his arms. “You have people who will be there for you, if only you let them in. It will make this darkness easier to go through. And on the other side of it - you’ll build a future together based in peace and love. Now and many years in the future, they will be there for you. Trust me.”

“You want me to love again?”

“Of course I do. Our story was short, our story was tragically cut short - but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. I will always love you. You will always love me. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have new love in your heart, with someone who cares for you so much. Someone who will help you through that darkness.”

“How - how do I walk into that darkness? How do I choose darkness like that? When it is the furthest thing from what I want?”

“Life demands sacrifices. Like I sacrificed myself for the other Grounders that Pike was holding. Some of your people will sacrifice themselves for their cause, and you’ll have to be the executioner, sacrificing that part of your soul. But don’t let it consume you. Don’t let the darkness win. There is a life for you on the other side of it.” Lincoln cupped Octavia’s cheek. “Promise me that you’ll fight your way through it. Promise me you won’t give up.”

_“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim?”_

Lincoln smiled. “Exactly. Take the strength that I know is within you. Do what you need to do to make sure you and as many of your people survive as you can. And you will see the sun again. Your people will find peace. And so will you. I promise. _Yu na ste yuj kos yu gonplei nou ste odon kom nau. Winnes set raun bakon kom givnes._ ”

“What will I need to sacrifice?”

Lincoln’s smile turned sad. “Everything.”

“Everything? But you said -”

“That there will be peace and happiness on the other side? Yes. But to find it, to find it again, you will first have to lose it all.”

Octavia sat back, stunned. This was her dream, but - somehow it felt _other_. That it wasn’t just her thoughts milling themselves over, using an image of Lincoln as a sounding board.

She entertained the wild notion that perhaps Lincoln really was _there_ with her.

“Lincoln?”

“Yes?”

“Are you really here?”

_“Feva ona yu tombom.”_

“That’s not an answer. I know I’m dreaming, but is this real?”

“Just because this is a dream doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Believe me, _ai niron._ You’ll get through this. And there is a life on the other side that will be waiting for you. There is a road through the darkness.”

“I just have to sacrifice everything to get there.”

“Yes.”

Lincoln kissed her, long and slow, and Octavia clung to the kiss, though she could feel the waking world pulling her away.

“No.” She whispered. “No. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to sacrifice everything.”

“But you must. It’s the only way.”

“No.”

_“Ste yuj, ai niron. Kom taim oso na hit choda op nodotaim.”_

The dream faded away, and Octavia was awake, cold and alone in her bed.

She looked at the nightstand, where her knife still lay. Where the previous night she’d contemplated ending her life so that she wouldn’t need to make the decisions that she would have to make this day.

But this day was here. And she did need to make the decisions.

 _“Winnes set raun bakon kom givnes.”_ Octavia whispered.

She could only hope that Lincoln had been telling the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from “Forgiven” and “Somewhere” by Within Temptation.
> 
> (And yes, if you're seeing some shades of OutlawQueen in some of the dialogue there, you're not imagining it. OutlawQueen was my OUAT OTP.)
> 
> I apparently Tumblr now? You can find me there with the same nick as here, [OsleyaKomWonkru](http://osleyakomwonkru.tumblr.com). Still trying to figure out how it all works though :P


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